How do you find your voice?

What I mean by this question is how do you speak the truth in your soul in a way that will be understood? How do you do this, when for so long that deep voice within you has been silenced?

The answer is simply to begin.

You will not get it “right” right away. You will not suddenly and perfectly say everything that you need to say in just the right way so as to make the difference you came here to make.

This is not how it works.

Your truth has been covered by the stories of your upbringing and the culture around you. It has been muddled and jumbled and mixed with many other people’s voices that for most of your life have been louder than your own.

To speak your own truth clearly once you have gotten in touch with it yourself, simply begin speaking, and adjust as you go.

Speak and notice what continues to resonate with you once it is out in the world. Keep those pieces and discard the rest. Be willing to be a little messy. Be willing to be confusing. Be willing to be misunderstood.

Be willing to rewrite. Rework. Refine. Say it again another way.

This is how it is done. There is no other way.

There will be sentences that feel like ecstasy. There will be those that land just as you hoped and the eyes of your reader or listener light up with understanding and possibility of their own.

There will be those moments of divine resonance. Let them guide you towards what is truly yours to share.

Let the rest fall away without the slightest of care.

Give yourself permission to speak your truth as best you know how, right now. And then do the same thing again tomorrow, and the tomorrows after that.

This is the way. There is no other way. You will not figure it all out in your head and get it just right when you begin.

To find your voice you must use it. To speak your truth you must speak it. To live your soul’s story you must live it.

You must be willing to risk. You must be willing to fumble. You must be a tad the fool.

Let me say this again: There is no other way.

There truly is no other way.

So, begin now.  Love yourself through it.

Your voice is needed.

There is not a moment to lose.

Xo,

Danielle

Happy Thursday everyone!

Today I want to talk about a subject that has been on my mind lately: surrender.

What does it mean, and how do we do it.

We all know life throws us twists and turns and often makes a mockery of our carefully laid plans (for more on this, see my last post).

We all know the best way forward is not to stomp our feet, get angry at the world, or depressed and helpless, and quit.

Yet, how do we navigate the emotions without closing our hearts and numbing them out, and without letting them take over and run the show?

For me the practice is always one of surrender.

It is important to be clear about what surrender means in this context.

The Webster Dictionary defines surrender as:

1. “to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand”

2. “to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another”

3. “to give oneself up into the power of another : YEILD”

None of these definitions seem very powerful. But surrender can be a very empowering act. The key is: what are you surrendering, and what are you surrendering to?

In the circumstances I am speaking of (when you are feeling disappointed, frustrated, angry, depressed, etc., due to things not going your way) what you are surrendering is your ego, and what you are surrendering to is your soul (or some higher divine power, depending on your personal spiritual beliefs).

When you surrender your ego, you surrender any attachment to a particular outcome. You surrender the judgments you had about things going or not going a certain way. You surrender the emotional reaction. You surrender your numbness and your pain.

You do not suppress these things (your attachment, your judgments, your pain, etc.). This is not surrender, but denial.  

When you surrender you offer up the reactions of your ego to your soul. You acknowledge they exist and that your experience is real. You recognize that your ego’s experience is not who you are. It is a part of you, and a necessary part of being human. You may even thank your ego for its (often misguided) attempts to keep you safe (from criticism, discomfort, loss, rejection, etc.), and then, you offer all of it up to your soul.

You (your egoic self) says: I give up. I yield to a higher power. I give up the fight. I let go of my attempts to control. I give myself over to the deeper thread of conversation flowing through my soul. I surrender.

In doing so you free yourself from the binds of fear, anger and depression. You set yourself free to keep living full out in alignment with the deepest truth in your soul.

Practice surrender every day in little ways, and it will get easier for the big stuff.

Your favorite coffee shop closed down? You spilled tomato soup on your white shirt at lunch? Your child gets the flu and needs to leave school on the day you have an important meeting for your work?

Acknowledge the response of your ego: anger, frustration, sadness, catastrophizing, despair. Thank it for its attempt to keep you safe and comfortable (by trying to make sure you are fueled with good caffeine, not embarrassed wearing a dirty shirt, and not passed over for the next guy because you had to reschedule your important meeting). Thank it, let it know that you (your soul) has it from here, and then offer up all of your suffering to your soul.

Remember this important distinction. Surrender does not mean denying or suppressing your pain. Surrender means offering it up. Release the burden of carrying it. Surrender your ego to your soul.

Surrender looks like presence (being in this moment, in your body), choice (choosing to recommit to your commitments, despite the circumstances), and action (taking the next small step forward, from grace).

Most importantly, surrender will grant you the peace and the freedom you truly desire.

With love,

Danielle

Nothing goes the way you think it will.

Nothing goes the way you think it will, even (and especially) when you are sure of it.

This is the illusion of Story.

You can try to tell it how you want it to go, and yet it will always, always, go how it wills.

This is the beauty of Story.

It is mystery at its finest. It is a frustrating, wonderful thing.

As my dear friend and Story mentor, Tina Overbury often says: “Sometimes you tell the Story, and sometimes it tells you.”

That is the thing with Story. It emerges from the unknown. It weaves its way through us in ways we will never fully understand, despite that we want to.

I have tried very hard to know ahead of time exactly how my life story will go. And I will continue to, at least to a certain extent, because that is fun of Story too. If you are present. If you are willing. If you humble yourself and surrender. You will get glimpses of the story being told through you by your soul.

Those glimpses will be so striking – so gut wrenchingly powerful – the truth of them will bowl you over with their beauty and leave you breathless for more.

This is why I keep seeking. This is why I keep listening. This is why I am willing to keep writing, despite that I know, I will never fully know ahead of time how the story of my life will go.

What I keep learning (re-learning) is that living your Soul Story does not mean writing out in detail a path for your life that feels good or right or even deeply authentically true in one moment in time, and trying to force your life into the shape of that pre-defined story.

This is not how it works.

We only get glimpses of our Soul Story. We get inklings. We get inspiration. We receive unexplicable signs and knowings.

When we follow these inklings for long enough, we start to get a sense of the story of who we are and why we are here. Yet we never have the whole picture.

If you think that you do (know your full story), turn and look back at the story of your life that has been lived so far. I am certain you will be able to pick out threads of the narrative you missed, contributions you made, or stories you had no clue you were a part of, until you looked back upon them.

We. Do. Not. Get. To. Know. It. All.  

Honestly, where would the fun be if we did?

If we knew it all ahead of time there would be no adventure. There would be no room for surprise or wonder or delight.

We are asked to listen to the inklings. We are asked trust. We are invited to contribute to the narrative. But we run into trouble when we try to take over writing the story altogether.

Yet we all do it. This trying to control. We become attached to things going a certain way. We try to force the outcome we (our egos) most want. We try to write the narrative of our lives in denial of the deeper partnership within which we operate.

This never works, at least not sustainably.

I have been humbled by this lesson many times. Though I am getting better at catching myself when my ego begins to run away with my story, I still need regular reminders to surrender my illusion of control, and begin listening for the inklings once again.

Recently, I created a vision for how things would look when I left my law firm. I wrote out a detailed plan for how the story needed to go. In doing so, I stopped listening. I stopped participating in the partnership between myself and my soul. I closed off the possibility of anything different than my pre-determined plan occurring.  

This is where we humans get caught up most often.

Lightning strikes! Something resonates as deeply true. We receive a message from our soul, or some other divine insight. And then we take that kernel of truth and we shroud it in additional meaning. We add labels, strategies and plans that make us feel more in control of this new truth, and therefore more safe.

In my case, all I really knew was that I needed to leave. I needed to step off the partner track I was on. I needed to walk away from my budding practice. I needed to say no to the way things were going. I needed to make space to say yes to a career from my soul.

That is all I knew.

My ego could not handle the uncertainty of that. It needed a detailed plan for how I would create stability and certainty in my soul work, and it needed it now. And so, it made one up. Some parts of my plan deeply resonated and some parts I just made fit because they fixed the “problem” of my uncertainty.

My detailed, controlled plan, did not go as planned. As I moved past the initial disappointment of that into surrender of what is, I felt peace. I realized I had been overriding my soul’s truth to a certain extent. The plan I had contrived was too simplistic. My soul wanted me to meander forward slowly, taking one deeply aligned step after another, allowing for the possibility of exciting twists and turns and new ways of being to take root. My ego wanted me to have my soul business all figured out - right now.

And so here I am learning again the lesson I have learned hundreds of times: to stay true to my soul I must surrender the illusion of knowing. I must release my ego’s claws of control, and trust that so long as I keep listening to the inklings, I will be okay. I will be held.

The question I always return to is this: am I willing to show up here, now, in this unknown, ever-evolving narrative that is my soul’s story?

Am I willing to write, day by day, the great story of my life; the story that only I can write; the story that has never yet existed? Am I willing to surrender the all-knowing narrative of my ego to the deeper wisdom of my soul? Will I humble myself enough to write a story I cannot control?

When I sit with these questions I am overcome – you might say strangely – with gratitude. I am grateful for this unique story that I get to live. I am grateful for the mystery. I am grateful for the lifetimes of wisdom I can access within my own soul. And most of all, I am grateful for the well of strength in my own heart, and that I keep finding the courage to surrender my ego to the story that my soul so deeply wants to tell.  

I invite you to sit quietly with the above questions for yourself. Take this inner reflection on regularly as a practice of washing the windows of your soul to make way for your deepest truth to find the light.

And remember. Nothing goes the way you think it will, even (and especially) when you are sure.

From my journey to yours, with love,

Danielle

Photo credit: Megan Alcock

Today I want to talk about the inner shift that precedes any meaningful and sustainable change, including (and especially), the decision to begin living life in alignment with the truth in your Soul.

The first step to living a Soul-Led life instead of an ego or externally driven life, is getting really sick of the way things are currently going to the point that you are willing to enter the unknown and try on something different.

This initial moment of willingness to surrender to the unknown is your breaking point.

It is the point at which you break free from the illusion that the way your life (or an aspect of your life) is going is “fine” and acknowledge to yourself the possibility of another way.

In coaching we call this phenomenon having a break down and breaking through to something new that previously was not possible for you. Hitting your breaking point (going through the process of breakdown to breakthrough) is necessary for meaningful change.  

Discipline alone may carry you through small changes, but it will not carry you through the kind of inner transformation needed to truly change the circumstances of your life in a way that will last.

This is because transformation cannot be created simply by applying strategies you already know in regular repetition (the kind of thing discipline is good for). Don’t get me wrong, there is a place for discipline in transformation, once the initial shift has taken place and you are strengthening your muscle of living in a new way. Using discipline as the only agent of change, however, will simply not sustainably work.

The first shift in transformation is the one that occurs at the breaking point, and it is an inner one. It is subtle and occurs without any application of discipline. It cannot be forced. It can be understood by your mind as the new awareness you receive, experienced in the body as exhaustion and surrender, felt in the heart as letting go or grieving of the old, and the readiness or opening of your being to something new.

Essentially, you become willing. 

You become willing to be uncomfortable. You become willing to consider you might be wrong about beliefs you have held for a very long time - beliefs about yourself, others, and the world around you. You become willing to hear and accept your own truth. You become willing to take a risk and step into the unknown. You become willing to face your fears.

So, the question I have for you today is, are you willing? 

You almost certainly have goals and dreams that you want to be pursuing right now. Maybe you made resolutions or set intentions for the new year. How are these going?  Have you made progress? Are you taking consistent action?

If not, consider that the 'problem' is not that you are too busy, or that you don't have enough time, or ________ (insert whatever reason you tell yourself for why you are not moving forward). 

Instead, consider that your block is actually a lack of willingness. Maybe you have simply not yet hit your breaking point - the point at which you truly become willing to make the change.

If you have a dream or goal you wish you were making more progress on, I invite you to ask yourself these questions:

Are you willing to set aside the time and the resources required to achieve your dream or goal? Are you willing to put in place the structures and ask for the support that you need to keep on going day after day? Are you willing to be uncomfortable? Are you willing to make any sacrifices in service of it? Are you willing to do what it takes? 

Answer these questions honestly. Without judgment if you can. No right. No wrong. Only you and your truth, whatever it might be. 

You may realize that if you are being honest with yourself you are not yet truly willing to make the change you desire. If so, you may need to change your goals or make some adjustments to your plans. You may need to take a step back.

Or, you may realize that you have in fact hit your breaking point with the way things were, you are truly willing to make the change, and all that is needed is a little more practice, or a few more steps, before you begin to see the tangible benefits of the change. You may need to double down your support systems, get back out there, and give it all you got. 

Where you go from this point depends solely on whether you have hit your breaking point with the way things have been going, and whether you are truly willing to do what it takes to create your life another way. 

When it comes to these kinds of conversations with yourself, honesty is always the best policy. Even if your honest answer is a tough pill to swallow, it will beat the disappointment and heartbreak you will experience later if you try to force yourself to change something that you are honestly not ready for right now. Forcing yourself to change will never work, at least not sustainably.

So give yourself the space to be honest with yourself, and have compassion for your answers. Even if you find you aren’t truly willing right now to make the change you seek, do not despair. Just keep doing things the old way and keep feeling the consequences, and your breaking point will be right around the corner.

Maybe not what you wanted to hear, but I’ve been doing this long enough to know that it’s the truth. And the truth is always worth knowing, even when it hurts.

xo,

Danielle

On today’s installment of Thursday Tips and Tools for Soul-Led Living, I am going to tackle the question WHY.

Why it is important to live life from the truth in your Soul.

For me there are three reasons. They operate at the levels of the personal, the interpersonal, and the global.

Each reason is itself enough motivation for me to commit to doing the work to hear my Soul’s truth, and live by it. Together, they are everything. When you fully understand what is at stake when you do not live in alignment with your Soul, and what is possible when you do, there is no reason you would not make the commitment to Soul-Led living.

The Culture of Busyness

We live in a culture that teaches us that we will not belong if we are not busy (and productive) in acceptable ways.

Busyness itself is not a harmful state. There is value in tapping into that driven place within us, and getting shit done.

Living in a near constant state of busyness comes with a high cost, however.

At the personal level we become out of balance, both energetically and in the use of our intelligence. We end up exhausted and depleted relying on external stimulation and coping mechanisms or addictions to get us by.

At the interpersonal level, we do not have time or energy to develop meaningful relationships. Our relationships become transactional, manipulative and high drama. We shut down direct connection, and instead pay for products and services in an attempt to meet our needs and desires.

At the global level, we are not interested in becoming aware of the impact of our actions on other species, or the Earth. Our relationship with the Earth becomes one sided. We take and expect her to continue to provide. We turn a blind eye.

Over time, we become hard and unfeeling. We feel entitled to immediate and unlimited satisfaction of our desires because we are sacrificing so much in our lifestyle of busyness.

The impact of our culture of busyness at the personal, interpersonal, and global levels has hit the crisis level. Mental and emotional health issues, interpersonal and international conflict, wholescale species extinction, extreme weather patterns and natural disasters have been on the rise for years. At some point, likely soon, we will no longer be able to hold up the facade of modern perfection (I’d say we’ve hit that point, despite that many world leaders are still willing to turn the blind eye).

The truth is, our band-aid fixes can only go so far.

In order to make a meaningful cultural transformation that would address these issues on a long-term scale and make possible a more beautiful life for ourselves, and a more beautiful world for our children and all life, we must be willing to fully feel the impact of the way we are living, and to find the courage to live another way.

Soul-Led Living

Soul-Led living transcends the prevailing culture of busyness, materialism and disconnection.

It is not a reaction to it (i.e. a push back or a protest), but rather a gathering up all that has come before us, a transmuting our pain into courage, and the taking of embodied steps forward into a new way of being towards, in the words of Charles Eisenstein, the more beautiful world our hearts know is possible.

Imagine.

We live in a world that values you living your deepest truth – the story of your Soul – above all else. Not your productivity, not your income, not your possessions, not your status, not your materialistic contribution to an organization or cause, but you living the story your Soul came here to tell.

At the personal level, you would be living your deepest truth every day. You would be in integrity with your Soul and therefore you would be peaceful. There would be no need for coping mechanisms to numb out from the pain of pretending to be someone you are not. You would be fulfilled because you would be making the difference your Soul came here to make.

At the interpersonal level, you would be connecting deeply and authentically with others from your Soul’s truth within you. There would be no need for superficiality, manipulation or drama in relationship. Others around you would be nourished by your authentic presence, and you by theirs.

Finally, imagine the impact at the global level if billions of humans were contributing to life on Earth in Soulful ways – ways that are sustainable and in service of all Life. The Earth would be renewed and provide abundant nourishment and sustenance for all who live upon her.

It is time to create a new culture.

The possibility I have described above is no fantasy.

This is what could be if we are collectively willing to break out of the paradigms of busyness and disconnection that we live within, and begin to see and live life from the deeper thread of truth that flows through each of us: the truth of our Soul.

These are my WHYs for Soul-Led living. I will provide more depth and context in future blogs, and my upcoming book. Some of the above writings are excepts from my draft manuscript.

As always, I would love to hear from you. Please let me know if you have any thoughts, questions, or suggestions for upcoming blogs.

xo,

Danielle

It's Thursday! 

Time for Tips and Tools for Soul-Led Living! 

Today I want to talk about why you must win back your body, to be able to hear the voice of your Soul, and how you can begin to go about doing that.

To keep this short and sweet, I am going to offer you 3 points to consider, a question, and a practice.

Point #1: Your Soul chose to inhabit your body for this lifetime. Your body is your Soul's first and only home. 

Point #2: Any time you have neglected your body's needs, you will not be able to hear your Soul. If your home was dirty, falling apart, filled with chemicals, and harbouring pests, you would not want to live there, and would eventually become unwell. The same goes for your Soul. If your body is unkempt, unhealthy, fed with artificial foods and chemicals, and filled with toxic thoughts and emotions, your Soul will not be happy to live there, and your relationship with your Soul will be unhealthy.

Point #3: You must inhabit your body in order to hear your Soul's truth. Even if you are in good health and have a positive relationship with your body, in order to hear your Soul's truth, you must be willing to visit your Soul in its home (your body) and listen.

Question for you: Are you currently neglecting any aspect of your physical, mental or emotional health? If so, what is one nourishing thing you could take on to tend to your body today? 

Practice for you: Take 3 minutes today to fully inhabit your body. You don't need any special tools, just 3 minutes of uninterrupted time in a space where you feel safe. Close your eyes, relax your shoulders and jaw, and take three deeps breaths to centre. For the next three breaths you are going to breathe in deeply and hold. The first breath, I want you to direct the air into your heart space; fill your chest cavity with air and pause for at least 5 seconds, letting yourself feel fully anything that comes up for you (feelings, physical sensations, etc.). Next, do the same thing but breathe into your stomach; fill your stomach with air and hold for 5 seconds, letting yourself fully feel what comes up. Finally, breathe one more time into your lower abdomen; fill your abdomen with air, hold for 5 seconds, and let yourself be present with what comes up for you. Pause, recentre, and repeat the breathing sequence 2 more times.

This is a simple way that you can practice inhabiting your body, and fostering a deeper a connection with your Soul.    

Let me know how your practice goes if you try it, and as always, if you have any questions send them my way and I will try to answer them in upcoming Thursday Tips and Tools for Soul-Led Living!

Xo,

Danielle

Friends,

It's Thursday! 

That means it is time for my first installment of Tips and Tools for Soul-Led Living! 

My intention is to keep these to the point and practical.

Today I am going to teach you my three-step process for living life in alignment with your Soul.

After years of trial and error, and learning the best way to hear my own Soul and live in alignment with it, I noticed I was always going through the same steps. After distinguishing the steps, I began to intentionally apply them, and found I could move forward with more ease.

I use this formula every time I want to make a difficult decision or take a significant step forward in my life in alignment with my Soul. It has never let me down.

Here are the three steps:

#1. Awareness

The first step to living in alignment with your Soul is to become aware of your Soul’s truth.

Sounds obvious, right? That it is. But learning to hear, and distinguish your Soul’s voice from all of the other thoughts, ideas and voices (your own and others) that are vying for your time and attention, is not always an easy task.

Often times we block out our Soul’s truth completely because we have internalized a belief that is incompatible with our Soul’s truth, or because we are afraid of the changes it would invite us to make.

For example, take Rudy (*made up name), the accountant, who has internalized our culture’s belief that artists are poor, and so he has completely blocked out his Soul’s deepest desire to be a painter. He makes himself so busy with his accounting work that he has no time to think about it, and then he comes home and zones out on Netflix with a beer.

We often don’t let ourselves consider the possibilities and desires that reside in our Soul. We use all kinds of avoidance and numbing out tactics to prevent ourselves from becoming aware of our own truth.

The first step that must occur for you to even have a chance at living life in alignment with your own Soul, is to become aware of what your Soul is trying to tell you.

Without awareness, you cannot live out your own truth. Period.

#2. Allowance

The second vital step in living in alignment with your Soul, is that you must allow your Soul’s truth to be your truth.

This step follows naturally from the first step. Once you have become aware of your Soul’s truth, you will often try to talk yourself out of it because you are afraid, you think it’s impossible, or because it uncomfortably conflicts with the identity you have created for yourself.

Continuing with Rudy the accountant as an example, say one day he admitted to himself that he really wants to be a painter. (Maybe he was visiting his niece who really likes painting, and she asked him to help her, and all of a sudden he remembered. “Wow, I really love this.”)

He has become aware. But it is going to take more than awareness for Rudy to live out his Soul’s truth. Now he has to make his Soul’s truth his truth. He has to allow it to be alive in his heart and in his life. He has to allow himself to be someone who wants to be a painter (instead of a really busy accountant who binges on T.V. and beer).

The allowance stage requires that we rewrite the beliefs about ourselves and the world that keep us living lives that are not in alignment with our Soul’s desires. This takes time, courage and a lot of self-love.

Allowing yourself your truth is worth it in the long run. It is what makes step #3 possible.

#3. Action

Of course, nothing will change in your life if you do not take action.

Step three is where you create a vision and a plan in alignment with your Soul’s truth, and then begin taking small steps towards creating your life in alignment with it. (Rudy creates a vision of having his own gallery show in 5 years, and sets a goal to paint 3 paintings in the next 12 months. He signs up for a painting class, and goes to the first one.)

You take Soul-Aligned action.

Taking action is the place where most people like to start. This is where most goal-setting and visioning workshops focus. However, if you do not first become aware of your Soul’s truth, and you have not done the work to become willing to allow your Soul’s truth to be your truth, the vision you create and the goals you set will not really be yours. They will be the product of the beliefs you have internalized from our culture.

We see this all the time. People set goals to make a million dollars, to build a massive company, to own a fancy car, or to have the perfect nuclear family. They get those things, and are no happier and no more fulfilled than before.

When you create a vision and a plan in alignment with the truth you have uncovered from deep within your Soul, your dreams may not be so flashy or “culturally approved”, but they will fulfill you. They will make you happy because they are yours.

The above formula can be applied using many different modalities and tools. The tool I most often use is writing, though I often support it with other verbal and movement based practices, such as group sharing, witnessing, and dance. This formula underpins all of my offerings. Any time you work with me, I will guide you through these three stages in some way shape or form to help you move forward in alignment with your Soul.

Let me know if you have any questions and I will try to answer them in upcoming Thursday Tips and Tools for Soul-Led Living!

Xo,

Danielle

“Let’s convert a van into a camper,” he said, “and go on a big adventure around B.C. It will give us an idea of where we most want to settle down.”

“That sounds fun,” I said, not entirely believing it possible.

“I could build it,” he said. “I’ll just look up some videos. It’ll be easy.”

“Ok, sure,” I said, still hesitant. How can I believe in the viability of an adventure, I thought, when my adventures have often fallen short of the dream in my heart?

Maybe he will forget about it, I thought. Ideas die if you leave them alone long enough. I know this, because I have in the past dismissed my own ideas that seemed too reckless.

That was early 2019.

He didn’t forget. He started researching. He started sharing his ideas with me for where we could go and how we could do the conversion.

I started getting excited in between the cynicism my mind continued to spew. I began planning things out too. My excitement grew, and in early November, we fully committed, bought the van and converted it. By mid-December we were off on our first adventure (to Manitoba for a month over Christmas through the mountains in -20C weather!).

And so has gone most of my 2019.

A dream dared to make itself known (going on this grand camper-van adventure; looking for property to make a home, leaving my law firm; launching my new WYSS courses; shifting my primary focus and energy to my business).

All year my inner pessimist tried with all its might to beat my dreams back down. I took a few steps. I saw some progress. My excitement grew and gave me the courage to keep going despite my fear. I doubled down on my commitment to my soul’s desires, and then I leaped.

From the outside it probably appears like 2019 was a year of epic change and courageous adventure for me. In a way it was. Yet in my heart I know the greatest change and adventure is yet to come.

2019 was simply the year I said yes. It was a year of choosing the course and setting the stage for the transformation that I most deeply desire: a more liberated and grounded expression of my passion.

2019 was a year of “returning to the beginning”.

2019 took me back to square one.

Back to that existential question “WHY” that hit me like a truck in early 2013; the question that prompted me to start a business and this blog.

2013 has been on my mind a lot this past year.

In February 2013 I launched my first creative baby, Trash Your Stress. I held a number of workshops for young lawyers on reducing stress and creating lives that they loved, and even flew out to law schools in Ontario to motivate young law students. I wrote over 75 blog posts between late February 2013 when I first started my blog, and the end of 2013. I wrote numerous letters applying for funding. I reached out to every contact I had who might possibly be interested in helping me get my message out. I applied to the Law Society for professional development status on my workshops (at the time wellness was not approved for credits – now it is). I cold-called 100s of people. I networked incessantly. I put myself and my mission out there in every imaginable way, despite that I was often rejected, thought ridiculous, or ignored.

I was so full of passion in 2013. So full of ideas and courage, and hope. I embarked on new projects and adventures with abandon. I allowed my excitement to carry me forward through many challenges. I faced many fears. In addition to launching my Trash Your Stress blog and business, in 2013 I worked part time as a lawyer, released myself from the grips of an eating disorder, and began a new romantic relationship.

What I achieved in 2013 was incredible and, if I am honest, I’m not sure I have hit that level of external achievement in any year since (at least in getting my message out in my business).

In many ways, in 2013 I was also naïve. Back then, my expectations for myself and my business were out of proportion with reality (and therefore I was left feeling like I had not accomplished ‘enough’), even though by most people’s standards I had knocked it out of the park. My passion was ungrounded. I often burned myself out working too long and too hard without taking time to fill my own cup.

By the end of 2015 I had burned myself out completely, and crashed, hard as I watched my dreams crumble.

By mid-2016, I had hung up my passion like it was an old coat, closed the closet door, locked it, and hid the key.

I have no more use for my passion, I told myself then. All she is good for is making me naïve and hopeful, burning me out, and breaking my heart.

It took me three years to find the key to that closet and be willing to open the door.

That’s what 2019 was about.

I opened a door. I faced my fears. I looked deep within myself and began to dismantle the self-protection I had put in place to deal with my heartbreak: essentially shutting down, and giving up. I received guidance and encouragement from my ancestors as I began to navigate and heal the intergenerational trauma that kept me in the loop of playing small. I put in place the structures that would require me to become the woman who keeps her heart open and keeps her voice strong in the face of the possible heartbreak and fear that comes with launching a creative business.

I committed to my dreams. I stepped over the edge. I cut the cord.

In 2019 my soul voice was honest, blunt and in my face hard. I found the courage to listen.

2019 was the catalyst.

2020 will be the year that I reclaim my full passion and voice.

It is time. There is no turning back.

I have launched myself over the ledge. I am hurtling down the mountain slope. Will I navigate the obstacles with grace and determination? Will I land the next jump? Will I humble myself enough to do what it takes to succeed? If I fall, will I get back up?

It is time to put my healing to the test.

It is no longer enough that I have opened the door to my passion.

It is time to put on the coat.

See you on the slopes!

Xo,

Danielle

p.s. For those of you who have been asking, van conversion videos are available on my social media platforms - links below!!

Facebook: Update #1 (insulated), Update #2 (walls and ceiling in), Update #3 (90% finished), Update #4 (finished version after our trip to Manitoba).

Instagram: Update #1 (insulated), Update #2 (walls and ceiling in), Update #3 (90% finished), Update #4 (finished version after our trip to Manitoba).

As the last few days at my law office slip through my fingers as easily as the falling leaves, I am struck by how everything is both slow and fast.

This year has been a long series of letting goes. Mostly, my letting go has been of invisible things like internal beliefs, inter-generational patterns and relationship dynamics that no longer serve me. These inner releases have made available increasing space within me for my vision for my ideal work and my ideal home to root down and stabilize, which in turn, has made possible some significant visible external releases: of my law practice, my law family, a regular paycheck, and the stability of my home.

There have been so many times this year when I have wanted nothing more than to be further ahead; past this time of grief and fear and healing, and onto the part where I am free, lit up from the inside and getting paid well to do work that makes my Soul sing.

At the same time this year has gone by much too fast, and I have found myself trying to cram into these last few weeks: just one more project at work; one more research deep dive; one more exciting strategy session; one more carefully worded letter; one more intense debate.  I have indeed had one more of each of those, and then just one more again.

I have loved each moment at my law firm to the fullest these past months, through the heartbreak and the quiet certainty that the time for me to go was ever nearing. For this, I am proud. Normally, to leave something, I first find a problem with it; I make it wrong, exhausting and detrimental to my health, to the point where it is not up to “me”, I simply must go, and quickly, to preserve my health. That way, you see, I did not have to be responsible for the impact of my leaving, on me or anyone else.

I “have” to is language used by someone who is afraid to own and take responsibility for what they want. I have a lot of familiarity with this way of choosing, but it is no longer who I am or the way I live my life.

I choose to leave my law firm because I want to.

I choose to leave my law firm despite that I enjoy practicing law, and I love the people I practice law with as if they were family. 

I choose to leave knowing there are consequences of doing so, both to myself and to others. I choose to leave and I choose the consequences of that choice.

I choose to leave my law firm despite that leaving would, and is, breaking my heart.

I choose to leave my law firm because I want to follow the calling in my Soul to create a business from my art.

I choose to leave my law firm because I want to. Simple as that.

Not too long go, writing that sentence would have evoked in me a significant amount of guilt.

Why would you leave something that is good? Many people have asked me variations of this question. What most people mean when they ask me this is how can you possibly leave something that you enjoy that is safe?

If you have a secure job that you enjoy, and you get to work with people you love, how could you possibly want to leave? How entitled are you? How selfish can you be? How childish are you to follow your crazy unconventional ideas that offer no promise of reward or success? You need to grow up! Be reasonable! How will you make any money? How will you survive?

Can you hear the judgment in these questions? Entitled. Selfish. Childish. Stupid. Crazy. Judgments that cut like a knife.

I have been on the receiving end of these judgment laden questions many times, both from others, and from the voice of our culture internalized in my own mind.

Coming to understand and accept that these voices are not mine, and learning to instead distinguish, listen to, and trust the deeper voice of truth that flows from my Soul, as the only guiding voice in my life, has been (and is) my journey.

The stories of scarcity (i.e. you’ll never make money) and selfishness (i.e. you should be happy with what you have) are tactics used by our culture to keep us conformed to certain lifestyles and paths. Do you think large corporations, systems and institutions could profit if every one of us was soul-guided, self-sufficient (within the web of our communities), and liberated to live life fully on our own terms as is our divine right?

The truth is, they could not.

If we are not afraid or ashamed to be all of who we are, we cannot be convinced we need products, relationships and life paths that give us the illusion of being someone we are not.

If we own who we are, we will consume products, participate in relationships and choose life paths only if they are in alignment with our deepest truth.

Were each of us connected in and empowered to live a Soul-Led life, all that is false in the world would fall away.  All that would be left is the Truth.

The Truth of who we are. The Truth of our Divinity. The Truth of our connection to all Life and our desire to be in service to it.

This is why I do this work of reconnecting with my deepest truth. This is why I do the work of tearing down the stories that keep me imprisoned in identities and life paths that are not quite me. This is why I do the work of learning to trust and follow the voice of my Soul.

I do this work for my own liberation. I do this work for a more beautiful world.

I hope you will join me.

Today is officially my last day at my law firm. So, let me say this: I choose to leave my law firm today because I want to. There is nothing wrong here. I still love these people. I still enjoy this work. I choose to leave my law firm today because I want to follow the calling in my Soul to create a business from my art. My heart is both heavy with grief and alive with excitement, and there is not a shred or guilt or shame in me. I have learned how to own what I want, and to go about getting it respectfully and with responsibility for the consequences.

I am ready to let go. It is a perfect time for this next leg of my journey to start.

Xo,

Danielle