How to Surrender Your Ego to Your Soul
Happy Thursday everyone!
Today I want to talk about a subject that has been on my mind lately: surrender.
What does it mean, and how do we do it.
We all know life throws us twists and turns and often makes a mockery of our carefully laid plans (for more on this, see my last post).
We all know the best way forward is not to stomp our feet, get angry at the world, or depressed and helpless, and quit.
Yet, how do we navigate the emotions without closing our hearts and numbing them out, and without letting them take over and run the show?
For me the practice is always one of surrender.
It is important to be clear about what surrender means in this context.
The Webster Dictionary defines surrender as:
“to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand”
“to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another”
“to give oneself up into the power of another : YEILD”
None of these definitions seem very powerful. But surrender can be a very empowering act. The key is: what are you surrendering, and what are you surrendering to?
In the circumstances I am speaking of (when you are feeling disappointed, frustrated, angry, depressed, etc., due to things not going your way) what you are surrendering is your ego, and what you are surrendering to is your soul (or some higher divine power, depending on your personal spiritual beliefs).
When you surrender your ego, you surrender any attachment to a particular outcome. You surrender the judgments you had about things going or not going a certain way. You surrender the emotional reaction. You surrender your numbness and your pain.
You do not suppress these things (your attachment, your judgments, your pain, etc.). This is not surrender, but denial.
When you surrender you offer up the reactions of your ego to your soul. You acknowledge they exist and that your experience is real. You recognize that your ego’s experience is not who you are. It is a part of you, and a necessary part of being human. You may even thank your ego for its (often misguided) attempts to keep you safe (from criticism, discomfort, loss, rejection, etc.), and then, you offer all of it up to your soul.
You (your egoic self) says: I give up. I yield to a higher power. I give up the fight. I let go of my attempts to control. I give myself over to the deeper thread of conversation flowing through my soul. I surrender.
In doing so you free yourself from the binds of fear, anger and depression. You set yourself free to keep living full out in alignment with the deepest truth in your soul.
Practice surrender every day in little ways, and it will get easier for the big stuff.
Your favorite coffee shop closed down? You spilled tomato soup on your white shirt at lunch? Your child gets the flu and needs to leave school on the day you have an important meeting for your work?
Acknowledge the response of your ego: anger, frustration, sadness, catastrophizing, despair. Thank it for its attempt to keep you safe and comfortable (by trying to make sure you are fueled with good caffeine, not embarrassed wearing a dirty shirt, and not passed over for the next guy because you had to reschedule your important meeting). Thank it, let it know that you (your soul) has it from here, and then offer up all of your suffering to your soul.
Remember this important distinction. Surrender does not mean denying or suppressing your pain. Surrender means offering it up. Release the burden of carrying it. Surrender your ego to your soul.
Surrender looks like presence (being in this moment, in your body), choice (choosing to recommit to your commitments, despite the circumstances), and action (taking the next small step forward, from grace).
Most importantly, surrender will grant you the peace and the freedom you truly desire.
With love,
Danielle