The Power of Dreams, An Apology, and a Castle
Sometimes you do the dishes because you are overflowing with love and generosity and want to do something sweet for your partner, and sometimes you do them even though you would rather collapse on the couch, simply because it is your turn.
This is how partnership works. I am learning.
There is an ease to it, when both people are equally committed to the relationship for the long haul. There is giving and receiving that occurs, for the most part, naturally. A flow of energy is constantly being balanced.
This balancing often occurs without speaking, because of the choice each makes every day to place conscious attention on the well-being of the other. At times, re-calibration is required through honest expression of desires and needs and a willingness to come back to the love at the centre, and to listen.
When the flow of energy is in equilibrium in a relationship there is peace. From that base of peace, magick and creation are possible. Four hands working towards a common goal, will get you there twice as fast. This being so, being in partnership allows for goals that are too big and daunting for one to take on alone.
The romantic partnership I am building with my partner Jason has done just that. A dream that I had buried deep inside me and almost forgotten, has been reignited. It no longer feels impossible, because I no longer have to do it all alone.
Before I tell you what it is, and how this came about, I want to take a moment to speak about the power of visioning.
In April, 2015, I created a vision for my life that was truly without limitation – I set aside every fear and every belief of what I thought was not possible – and I allowed the vision of the life of my dreams to emerge.
I focused on each area of my life that was important to me – relationship with myself, romantic relationship, career, family and community. These were long term visions I created; things to be crafted over a lifetime.
Here I stand four years later, and I can honestly say that I see signs of all of them coming true. Some – the ones I intended would occur sooner – are more clearly manifested/manifesting than others. My relationship with myself and my romantic relationship are the dreams that have, so far, come to life the most.
The vision I created for my romantic relationship in 2015 was as follows:
My romantic partner and I fall more in love every day. We continually access deeper love and connection and experience higher levels of growth for both of us. We call each other forward and support each other to be our greatest selves in every aspect of our lives. We appreciate and relate to each other from love and compassion. We face the world as a team. We play and laugh often and flow in life together with ease. We are consistently stepping forward into new depths of intimacy – emotional, intellectual, physical, and spiritual. We allow each other to be the one for us. We are excited to create a family together. We partner together everywhere without trying, like falling into step beside your best friend. We hold ourselves and each other as whole, complete and perfect. We are responsible for our own thoughts, words and actions. We are both committed to life partnership and have strong bond that can withstand the storms of life. We have deep admiration and passionate desire for each other. We create romance and adventure and exploration and surprise at every turn. We are at home with each other. We are one in love.
This vision is now a true representation of my current romantic partnership. The tangibles – the who, the what and the where – and road it took to get me to this place, are a lot different that those I imagined at the time I wrote the vision. Yet, because I had the clarity of vision, the courage to write it down and declare it, the faith to keep showing up, and the willingness to keep learning the lessons that the heartbreak, failure and wrong turns my path held had to teach me, I find myself here today, clear and confident that I am creating the romantic relationship I envisioned in the deepest part of my Soul.
This is the power of a vision, and committed action towards it, in the face of a million reasons to fold.
So, don’t forget to take time to vision, alright?
Now, back to the flame that has been reignited: My vision for my career.
In April 2015, I wrote:
I work in a castle on the water on Vancouver Island – it holds love and beauty and mystery and magic. It represents wholeness and oneness; a bringing together of Life in all forms. The castle houses my life’s work; it is a Wholeness Institute which welcomes all teachings and remembering of who we are. My mission is to empower individuals to remember all of who they are so that they can be one again with all Life and to rediscover and embrace their true self and live in the creative freedom of that knowing. There are many brilliant teachers and 100s gifted students that attend every year. The castle holds and supports us as individuals and together with each other and with Life. The castle is surrounded by nature. It overlooks the sea and is backed by woods with beautiful trails. Its presence represents the human soul force that lives as one with the natural world withstanding every storm. It is the place to come to find that force in yourself so that you can weather your own life’s storms and be in deeper connection with all Life. It is a place of self discovery, wholeness, oneness and freedom. It is an expression of all of who we are, of the love in our souls and all of the ways we co-create together.
Within a year of writing this vision I no longer spoke of it. I was still taking small steps towards its essence: writing books on these subjects, hosting workshops, writing blogs. But the vision of running a retreat centre where teachers could collaborate and students could gather to reconnect with themselves and their soul seemed too big. Too daunting. I shut down the part of my heart that held it, and made my dreams smaller.
For some reason, on my first date with Jason, I mentioned my dream of building a wholeness retreat centre. We were on bikes, riding along the seawall. I forget what question he asked, but my answer was a brief sentence about my vision. He responded in a way that indicated he understood what I wanted to create.
Over the next few months, the dream began to flourish. I felt the spark in me again. Jason began to dream about it, literally. He would wake and tell me details of our farm and the beautiful retreat we would create for others. His dreams added to my vision in ways that made my heart sing. Not only that, he is a carpenter by trade. He wants to help me build it, and he can – and he will.
That last bit – that he will – was the part I did not quite believe. To a certain degree I did, but deep down, I still had reservations. Is it really possible that he wants to help me build my dreams? Are they really his dreams too? Are we really partners for the long haul? Can I trust him, and our partnership, enough to open my heart again fully to this dream? Can I allow myself to believe it is possible?
The early part of this year has been a bit messy for me because of all of this. And that is where the apology comes in.
My vision was in process of becoming bigger again, but I was still operating on the basis it was small, and I was doing it alone. I did my New Year intentions solo, without involving my partner. I launched new programs and workshops. I made decisions from a place of not trusting fully, not believing fully in our vision, not fully letting him in.
Within a few days of launching them, it all came to a head. Our equilibrium was off. We were no longer aligned and partnering with ease. We talked. We re-calibrated. We became a stronger team because of it. My dream, that has become our dream, is not only sparked, but fully ignited.
As a result of the big picture shift, the steps to get there also shifted. New plans were in order. The workshops I rushed ahead and launched had to be recalled and refunded. The energy I had for them was no longer there. There are other steps to be taken, before I begin offering workshops again.
For the impact of that change on you, I am truly sorry.
And now, my dear friends, I’m off to build a castle with my love. I hope that one day we will have you for a visit – and that you won’t get too scared crossing the moat. It will of course be filled with magickal creatures. But they will not hurt you, only help you to remember the magick within yourself.
I have no doubt that the tangibles (the who, the what and the where), and the road to get there, will not be as I envisioned. They have not been so far. Our castle may be a moss-covered hobbit house with secret classrooms and underground passageways leading to a lake. We might get a pick up truck or ride our horses into town. Personally, I’m hoping for dragons.
We don’t get to know all the details.
What kind of adventure would it be if we did?