I was born for this.

The magical path I am on.

It is interesting that I write most about writing.

I also write about not writing. I write about wanting to write more, intending to write more, committing to write more and forgiving myself for not writing more.

I write about writing a lot.

Because writing is who I am.

Writing is the language of my soul.

I know this.

I was fortunate to discover this early – in my pre-teens, and then, again, with more conscious soul level awareness in my late twenties.

I will never lose the pulse of who I am in this world so long as I am writing.

I have tried other creative things.

Painting. Dance. Drawing. Cooking. Baking. Gardening. And probably others I am forgetting now.

Each has resonated for a season or two. Some still resonate now. Some may resonate on some level forever. But each of those things are just things I enjoy or that serve a purpose in my physical life or in my growth. None of those things is who I am.

Writing from my soul is who I am. It is my purpose in this life. I say this matter of fact-ly, and I mean it with the full weight of the words.

Writing from my soul is both a healing exercise for me and a gift to others.

Just the same as how who you are and what you need to liberate yourself, is the greatest gift you can offer to others.

It is not an accident that I support myself emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and materially in this world by – primarily – writing.

Writing empties my brain of its clutter and its daggers that I would otherwise turn on myself and others. 

Writing guides me, and inspires me, and allows me to experience nirvana.

Writing allows me to craft arguments or poetry or other passages that help and heal others.

Writing is something that I know I will never stop engaging in on a regular basis, in some form or another.

Though it is only soul writing or being a soul writer that is my purpose.  

It is a tall order to figure out what your purpose is in the world at a soul level – and an even taller order to live it.

Both require immense amounts of faith.

At the beginning of the year, I was feeling disconnected from my soul and my practice of soul writing. So, I made a commitment to reconnect with my faith.

I have to say it wasn’t really a commitment in the traditional sense. It was more of an awareness and allowance of a deep resonance in my body that informed me that I am ready to express my soul voice again, and that it is time.

Awareness. Allowance. Action. These are the three As that guide at a soul level any major decision or turning point in my life, and sometimes smaller choices too.

A couple of weeks after making the commitment to renew my faith, I was feeling stagnant and bloated. After a few days of feeling that way, despite eating healthy and regular exercise, I recognized the familiarity of the feeling of heaviness and puffiness – it was something I had experienced before. It was caused by holding in too many words, not food.

So, I sat down to write. In less than 10 minutes I had written 1,000 words. My soul had been wanting to speak with me.

The question that came up in my writing almost immediately, was – Do I really need saving? – and the answer was an immediate full body resonance: NO.

After a few more minutes of writing the full impact of the message hit me viscerally. It was this: The heartbreak that was holding you back is healed. Now, it's only fear.

The message was powerful, complete with goosebumps and tingling sensation throughout my body. I started writing a blog post about it, but I was not quite ready to share.

Tonight, I was feeling stagnant again. Bloated with words and a building ache for freedom from the refuge my fear has created.

So, here I am.

And here is the truth.

I don’t know who I am becoming. But I do know it is someone who speaks frankly. Someone whose words are sometimes sharp, but always spoken with love.

I can be gentle too. That part comes easy. It is the sharpness that scares me.

The exhaustion caused by holding back too many words for too long is helping me to get over the fear. It is humbling to acknowledge this overcoming of fear is equal parts necessity and courage.

The truth. The truth. Speaking the truth scares me.

But the truth is I have reached the point where I am even more scared of who I am becoming in my silence.

So I must speak.

I must share my soul’s voice through this written form, and others.

It is impossible for me to live a life of conformity to the mainstream culture. It has been impossible for me to do so for at least 10 years now – since I first made contact with my own soul through writing. I know this, yet I have continued to try to, at least, not stand out.

I feel like I need to say - given my past history of extremes - that none of this means that I need to quit my life. It does not even mean that I want to change my life, at least not in big ways.

I love my life. My life as I have created it was and is guided by my soul. My soul knew – knows – the kind of foundation I need in order to have the capacity to fulfill my purpose. The life I have created brings me joy and love on a daily basis, and has allowed me to arrive here, heart healed, with the capacity to share again.

Tonight I am thinking back to the renewed commitment to faith that I made earlier this year, and I am realizing that - while the soul level intention was there – consciously, I did not understand it quite right.

I am now realizing that I never lost my faith. I have had faith this whole time. If I did not, I would never have made it here.

It was only my courage that wavered in response to past disappointments and heartbreak, and in the necessary pause that followed, my fear stepped in, and I ceded to its eternal message: stop.

I am human, after all.

Perhaps at a deeper level the pause was all a part of my soul’s design, as the growth that happened in the interim, was also essential to me arriving here. Perhaps it was not really a pause at all, but simply a necessary stage in my soul’s journey.

I don’t think I will ever know all of the answers to the questions I have about this path I have committed to following.

But I do know this:

I was born to be a soul writer, and I am immensely grateful to have a conscious appreciation of my purpose in this life.

Xo,

Danielle