Thoughts on Selfishness and What It Means to Love
There are connections that evolve beyond labels. Beyond good, and beyond bad. Beyond how things should, or should not be. Beyond happy. Beyond sad.
These are connections that find life after heartbreak. Life after betrayal, jealousy and loss. Connections that have been intimate and all knowing. That have seen through thick and thin. Connections that have journeyed through ecstasy, and found peaceful friendship again.
These are the connections of forever, though not in the way you may think. Years may pass without speaking, yet these souls are still meeting, in a place beyond words, beyond ink.
It is a commitment of sorts this kind of connection, but not a traditional one. It will never ask you to promise that things stay the same. You will not be asked to sacrifice against your own truth, and you will not be required to choose anything, from a place of discipline or shame. But you will be challenged to let go and invited to expand, and you will learn to trust beyond where you know how, again and again, and again.
You will not find a label for this kind of connection. It is not a kind that can be contained. It was not born of reason. Divinity can not be framed. These connections come from deep knowing. From the voice I call the soul. They are nourishing and supportive, even in times of letting go.
These connections are not easy. They will shatter your expectations, and beliefs of right and wrong. They will destroy your agendas, and dreams you've cradled for too long. They will ask you to question everything you were sure you did know. They will break you open to heal you. They will always ask you grow.
There will be periods of intimacy and of love; periods of anger, and of strife; periods of laughter, play and silliness; periods of loss and grief and quiet. There will be adventure and exploration, and you will get lost along the way. These connections are always moving. They shift and they expand. Sometimes they blaze blinding bright, then fade away into glowing embers, and die in the darkest night. Yet, even in the darkness, there is comfort to be found – an inexplicable kind of peace – a knowing that even from cold ashes, a new form of life will be.
These kinds of connections go against stereotypes, and the things that we've been taught. We cannot decide how they will go in advance. We cannot put the relationship in a box.
It is a lot to ask another human, to journey with us in this way. It is not something to take on lightly or from rational debate. It is a connection that can only be chosen from a place that is deep and true. Because that is exactly what the relationship will ask of each of you. It will demand that you are selfish. It thrives on honesty. It will stand for nothing less than your most raw truth, even when that truth is not easy.
Connections of this depth would simply not work from the false ideals that you keep. It is only radical honesty, that will feed the freedom you will reap.
When you come across a human that invites you to embark, upon this kind of honest journey of the heart, please do not turn away. If you feel the pull deep within just dive right in and start. There is no amount of preparation, no way to ease the ride. Just remember you have chosen and let your soul's voice guide.
Hold these humans in your heart, even when you hate them with a passion, or for your own sanity, you must part. And do not be surprised to find, that even through times of letting go, the connection survives, and will again, at some point, in a truer way, begin to grow.
These connections come from a belief that living our own truth, is actually what will serve the world through this time of chaos and rebirth. That masking and denying the things we deeply crave, while in the moment comfortable, will always kill true connection with a numbness or a resentment that pervades. It is only from true selfishness; from filling ourselves first, that we can freely choose another, freely give of ourselves, freely love, freely serve.
This is what I know in the depth of me to be true. That our selfish desires are beautiful and often selfless too. That the healing this world needs will never come from following the 'shoulds', but from trusting the voice deep within us that knows the heart of man is good.
This is a radical belief system to live from, especially in this time, in this culture, in this world. But it is what I know in the quiet of my own heart, from my own experience of loving and of working and of creating my own art.
Selfishness is service. Wholeness (inclusive of hatred) is what it means to love. Truth (even when painful) is what freedom is made of.
So, find the connection that is selfish, and that asks the same of you. Find the humans your soul trusts, no matter how painful their truth. This is where you will find your healing. This is where your soul will find its way. You will not get what you thought you wanted, but you will experience freedom, and the gift of being loved, for exactly who you are, each and every day.