Posts tagged New Year
Big Goals, Getting Overwhelmed, and Getting Over It

goal so big Big Goals

On New Year’s Eve 2013 I set out for myself some pretty big goals for 2014. And I set the goals in a way that is different - I made real goals - not vague desires like I usually do.

I also declared them to the world. They are out there for all to see and judge and support. Some believe I will achieve them. Some believe I will fail.

I had some awareness of all of this when I wrote out my goals, and yet, I didn’t quite anticipate the effect.

Getting Overwhelmed

overwhelmed-lady-desk

It is now 11 days into the New Year and already I’ve been overwhelmed twice.

In fact I’ve been through two cycles that looked something like this: inspiration – possibility – excitement – action – frustration – overwhelm – disappointment – withdrawal – acceptance – and back to inspiration.

If I am honest I would have to tell you that in the overwhelm stage I nearly made the decision to “modify” my goals to make them more “realistic”.

Last weekend for example, I was in Seattle at the first weekend of the 12 month Accomplishment Coaching program I am doing. It was Saturday, I was running on little sleep, and my belief in my ability to complete the course on top of everything else I want to do this year was wavering. By the end of the day it was gone. The chatter in my head telling me it was impossible was drowning out everything else. I nearly made the decision right then and there to quit.

The second time I hit overwhelmed was last night.  Yesterday morning I was talking with my life coach about the projects I have taken on for the year. I was trying to be excited but feelings of overwhelm were growing. I could see the next two weeks on my calendar full of things – all things I had chosen and all things I love to do – but right then all I could see was the amount of them.

“You didn’t get as much done today as you wanted…You didn’t get as much done yesterday as you wanted…How do you expect to catch up on those things AND get done everything you wanted to do tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, AND THE NEXT DAY?? You are clearly going to fail. You might as well set smaller goals for yourself now, so I don’t have to say I told you so later.”

My mind can be pretty powerful sometimes.

Getting Over It  

Normally when I get overwhelmed I withdraw. I don’t allow anyone to see anything in myself that I perceive as weakness. I do everything in my power to appear strong, positive, and confident at all times.  

overwhelmed

And while this may give the appearance that I am strong, positive, and confident, and that my life is “perfect”, what I’ve realized is it is actually evidence of the opposite.

Hiding my weaknesses has only served to limit me.

Over the past year I have slowly learned this. And, with much internal resistance, I have incorporated some vulnerability into my life.

In Seattle last weekend I tried this on a little bit, when Sunday morning, after a good night's sleep and renewed trust in myself and the goals I had chosen, I shared with the group how I had felt the day before, and my thoughts of quitting. This was a great experience for me, yet it was still me sharing once everything was back to being "perfect".

My life coach and I discussed yesterday how I might – when I was hit with the feelings of overwhelm that were snowballing towards me – choose something other than what was predictable for me (withdrawal, disappointment etc.). I decided I would try reaching out to someone when it happened.

Last night I was out with my boyfriend for a night of trivia with friends and all I could think about were the things I wasn’t getting done. I was totally wrapped up in my head. I was withdrawing from conversation (predictable!). I had an awareness of what I was doing and couldn’t seem to stop it. I was heading straight for disappointment (also predictable!).

At the end of the evening, when I was about to withdraw completely, I remembered I could choose something different.

I started talking. I started explaining how I was feeling, and how I was ashamed to be feeling it. I rambled on for about 20 minutes, feeling guilty about rambling on and sure I was going to be told I was crazy, and when I stopped talking and took a deep breath, all I could feel was love.

I can’t say that I avoided feeling overwhelmed or disappointed, but by allowing myself to feel what I was feeling and by being vulnerable and speaking from my heart, I was able to subtract some loneliness and add a lot of love, and that is something that I am pretty excited about.

So what have I learned?

Only what I already knew and did not earlier have the courage to choose.

We are served best not by getting over, hiding, or avoiding our emotions, but by living and loving through them. We are served by listening to our heart.

Listen_to_Your_Heart

Although speaking from my heart is not a "fix", loving life and myself even when I am overwhelmed is something I am willing to try on a little more often.

xo,

Danielle

Image credit 1, 2, 3

 

 

 

Let's End 2013 in a BIG Way.

new year, resolution, 2014, 2013, dream, believe, lawyer For me the start of a new year is exciting and terrifying.

This past month I have been looking back over 2013 and reflecting on all of the things I have learned, the goals I have achieved, the changes I have made, and the relationships I have grown. I can honestly say 2013 has been one of my best years ever.

There have been negatives as well. I have failed at many things in 2013. I have wavered in my belief in myself. And I have let fear hold me back more than I would like to admit.

Yet despite the things that got in the way, I am grateful for all that I have lived and learned in 2013.

Last year at this time if someone had asked me what my goals were for 2013 I would have said, I wasn’t sure. Maybe I would have thrown out a few vague ideas like – eat healthier, exercise more, work less, enjoy life, travel etc.

I didn’t really know what I wanted or how to make myself happy. I was waiting for some amazing idea or opportunity or person to plop itself in front of my face and make my life perfect, and me happy. I realize now that I was afraid to dream big. I was afraid to even whisper to myself what my dreams might be. Afraid to take my happiness into my own hands. Afraid that I might actually have it in me to be and do and achieve something great.

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. – Marianne Williamson

I now know the truth in this quote.

As I sat down yesterday to do some dreaming about what I want to create for myself in 2014, I realized how much I have grown in the past year.

My dreams are clear. I can feel them in my heart.

My heart spoke boldly as I began to write my goals on the page. When I finished I read them over and my stomach began to churn. I closed the book terrified. They were huge. And I could hear a familiar voice telling me they were impossible.

But my heart was stronger.

My heart now often wins over my mind’s fear based reasoning. Above all else, it is this 2013 change I am grateful for: the courage to listen to my own heart.

In the spirit of that courage I have decided to share with all of you my top ten goals for 2014. 1. Law: More court experience, more responsibility, more pro bono… 2. Travel: World Domination Summit weekend in Portland; 4 weeks to Brazil and Peru… 3. TYS: Write and publish a book on Creating a Life You LOVE in Law… 4. Blog: Write 50+ blog posts, and 5 articles for other publications… 5. Personal: Complete and graduate from 12 month Accomplishment Coaching Program… 6. Health: Continue to develop positive habits, more sleep, less emotional eating… 7. Fitness: Run a marathon and a half marathon… 8. Relationships: More communication, more gratitude, more vulnerability… 9. Financial: Make at least $120,000, save at least $25,000 … 10. Giving Back: Volunteer 3+ hours a month with an eating disorder program in Vancouver…

Thinking about these goals still terrifies me, but it excites me even more; and I cannot wait to open my heart to each of them as the clock strikes 12 and the New Year begins.

My intention for 2014 is to let my light shine even more. To set aside my fears and courageously step into my own greatness. To dream big. To love completely. To live fully. To BELIEVE.

My motto for 2014 is: NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE.

Each day I will repeat this with conviction. Each day I will find courage in my heart and recommit to myself. And that is what will make 2014 my BEST YEAR yet!

My wish for all of you is that you believe with your whole heart in your own greatness. Whisper your dreams to yourself and then shout them out to the world. Let those around you support you. Commit to yourself and take a step with courage towards your dreams each day.

dream, believe, reflect, 2013, 2014, resolution

Thank you all for being a part of my life in 2013.

Best wishes for a happy and prosperous New Year!

xo,

Danielle

20 questions to relive, reflect on, and commemorate 2013!

reflection, year end, 2013, 2013, new year Its coming quickly – the end of 2013 – whether we want it to or not! For me 2013 has been one of the most transformational years; one of the most challenging and the most rewarding. There’s no way I could leave 2013 without taking stock of all the changes I’ve made, goals I’ve accomplished, moments I cherish, relationships I’ve built, challenges I’ve overcome, limitations I’ve surpassed, lessons I’ve learned, and all that I am grateful to have experienced and received.

Time to pause and reflect and let go of the old so we can be ready to embrace new dreams, ambitions, love, and adventures in 2014!

In order to start the reflection process I have been compiling questions I have come across that help to take me back to those moments of 2013 I want to capture in my mind and crystalize in my heart.

As you answer the questions, write the answers down – writing things down helps to gain clarity, and your reflections will be great to have on those days in 2014 when you are feeling sorry for yourself; like you never accomplish anything, or that nothing good ever comes your way.

So here they are – 20 questions to relive, reflect on, and commemorate 2013!

  1. If a short film were being made about your life in 2013, what would its title be?
  2. What are you most proud of? What did you accomplish? (List your wins and achievements.)
  3. What things didn’t go well? What would you have done differently in 2013? Why?
  4. How did you help others? What was your greatest contribution?
  5. What did you learn? (skills, knowledge, awareness, etc.)
  6. What were the most significant events? List the top three.
  7. When were you most excited about life? What were you doing? Who were you with?
  8. When did you feel unstoppable? What were you doing? Who were you with?
  9. What were your biggest challenges/roadblocks/difficulties?
  10. Where did you let fear hold you back from a goal you had?
  11. What changes have you made? How are you different now than you were at the beginning of 2013? (in all areas of your life)
  12. What is one aspect about yourself that you have loved this year?
  13. What times were you inspired? What were you doing? Who were you with?
  14. What times were you bored? What were you doing? Who were you with?
  15. What will stick with you long after 2013 has ended?
  16. What do you want to let go of for the New Year?
  17. What are you grateful to have experienced or received in 2013?
  18. Is there any unfinished business you want to resolve before the year-end? When will you do it?
  19. What are character traits and ways of being you want to incorporate more into your life in 2014? (i.e. integrity, passion, decisiveness, creativity etc.)
  20. If a short film were being made about your life in 2013, what would the closing scene look like?

I hope that the above 20 questions help you to reflect on 2013, and even if you don’t use these questions, I hope that you take time out of your busy schedule this holiday season to think about where you are and the journey 2013 has taken you on. Write out your thoughts and feelings. Do some journaling. Maybe write your future self a letter. And if writing isn’t your thing, consider talking with people you care about or having a reflective chat with your web cam.

Happy December to you all!

xo,

Danielle

p.s. If you are a questions person and the above 20 just aren’t quite enough – try getting a little more in depth with these - 100 year end reflection questions: http://hubpages.com/hub/End-of-the-Year-Reflections-Process-and-Survey-Questions-to-End-the-Year-Mindfully